you know those weeks where you feel so blessed. work wise--- it is one of those for me. but you know the weeks where you feel so lost--- on a personal side its more of that. lets get through the rough to get to the good...
  i miss abbey. i think i always miss her when i deal with 'friend' stuff. i wish that i could go back to being five, my best friend was my cousin, she pretty much always let me drive the pink barbie power wheels and the biggest argument was which movie or if our pizza should have pepperoni or just cheese. ((for the record-- i am the pep she was the cheese)) i miss that as we got older we didn't have to tell each other everything to just know... abbey and i never went to the same school, and as we grew up we each had our own friends, our own hobbies but it was great. because every sunday at family lunch she was there. granite-- she was there with make-up hair fixed and jewelery, where i was jeans flops or tennis shoes and a tshirt. but she was there. we were total opposites. but she never judged me, she never questioned why i felt the way i did. she would listen (one of her best qualities) and she would respond, normally short but always in a way that made me feel better. she will be gone 5 years this march, and due to me living in another state at the time.. the end of February will be 5 years since i saw her. i hate when ppl say that it feels like yesterday.... it doesn't. how could it. i feel like shes missed so much.. i feel like she got jipped. i know thats not the case, i know she is somewhere doing her thing and she is just as loved as she is here.. but it doesnt feel that way to me.... maybe one day i will feel like she is in a better place because i am sure she is.. but i don't understand at 16 how there can be any better place than here. preparing for senior year, getting ready for college... i look at abbeys little sister, and i know that who she is today--- abbey would be so proud of. she is beautiful and kind like abbey, she is strong willed and outspoken like me... i just wish abbey could see how she has grown and succeeded, idk why i woke up with this so strong on my mind this morning. shes there every day. but this morning the moment of grief wont pass.. its kind of staying around.
i don't know if i compare friendships to her, if i do its really unfair because i honestly do not remember ever fighting with abbey. maybe my parents can fill me in, but i really don't. she didn't put up much of a fight against me haha thats just not how she was... i know over our 16 years together i got her into a LOT more trouble then she would have gotten into by herself... we snuck out together (during the day time) we "cleaned" rooms by hiding every book, doll toy under beds, treadmills, and closets... we helped "prune" our grandmothers garden by pulling every flower out.... we played "beauty parlor" and used 5 cans of hairspray in her THICK CURLY hair (we proceeded to use stickers as decorations in her hair as we hairsprayed them in) we picked every grape of the bunch of fake grapes that we could find.... we changed clothes 500 times Christmas morning at maw maws... because we could. we were little and cute and we both had a killer set of eyelashes-- there isn't much that we didn't try to blink our way out of haha. i guess i need to get new memories, not to wash away abbeys, but to make a future for laughs. i hate being a downer, and i am making an honest effort to be positive-- ((hell this time last year i was sleeping outside in the cold in a tent in training while my hubby was in Afghanistan)) no complaints here. i just really want to have that person to turn to, but i feel as the older i get the more difficult it becomes. o well, maybe one day.

work. as you all know, i love my job. i had a really amazing opportunity this week.. i am not going to go into a lot of details.. but i had lunch with some of the most powerful, intellectual people I've "heard of" here in the area. seriously. looking around the table at the success that they all have had. the things they have accomplished and listening to them talk... i get so excited over new neighborhoods, new homes, the whole thought of it going from dirt and trees to families moving in and making it a home... they were still that way! they have been doing this for decades and they still get pumped about planning and starting new exciting things. i was definitely the youngest at the table, and the most inexperienced and uneducated... but i was there. which was crazy to me. really. who gets that opportunity. these are names that i had heard of, and here i am eating lunch with them and talking about ideas. it was a pretty awesome day for me, i am not going to lie. it is one of those days where despite the craziness around me.. i was still and calm. (it doesn't happen very often) i cant wait to see how new projects move forward and how the company i work for grows. i really have one-of-a-kind bosses. i don't have to get nervous around them or stammer or whatever. i am excited to go to work in the mornings and i enjoy finding out what "new" things are going to happen each day. so cheers on a wonderful work week :)

   good sunday afternoon. it is a beautiful day out--- despite the coldness that has taken over eastern nc. today isnt quite as bad as yesterday, but it is by no means warm.

 

   i have been "thrifting" and yardsaling pretty much all weekend and have had a lot of fun doing some crafts, i am considering opening up an etsy shop, i have more time here with mac and brutus with everett being at geiger, so why not make the best of it right? its not like im much of a tv buff, i have a few shows that i watch but they can all be watched from online--- while doing my projects :)

  so far i have done a lamp (for my bedroom), two picture frames, i am working on a third, and a little bird. i think im keeping the bird too, I wish i could have found more of them and i would sell in sets--- but it just wasnt meant to be. i did find 5 old windows though-- which i am really excited about, I could do side tables, organizers or just paint them as decoration, i found candle holders, a mirror, and a bunch of frames. i am super excited :)  Anyways, here the first couple are--- yes there are just magazine pics in there right now. I didnt want to put my pics in there and get attatched. haha

  more exciting news--- SURF CITY IS GETTING A HARRIS TEETER. wha hooo.. I am so stoked. good bye nasty Food Lion, good by long lines at the commisary and good bye wal-mart craziness. I am so excited. Everett thinks i am crazy---he isnt too far off, but still.

let me start by saying that i know i am a weird, rare breed. i know. i have fully accecpted and embraced my oddness and i am not aftrad to let it show... i love my job. seriously. let me clarify that i DO NOT like getting out of bed in the morning, and to totally contradict myself I am a morning person. I am chipper and cheery, once i have stepped out of bed. but its almost like my matteress has a crazy trance on me that does not allow me to see past the comfort of my worn in spot. but-- i LOVE my job, i have learned so much in the past 6 months, it has opened so many oppertunities for me and i am so thankful to be around the people i am daily. they understand my age, and my inexperience and instead of looking down on me, or getting frustrated with me about what i am doing (or not doing) they TEACH me.. they want me to know the ins and outs of our company and buisness (it helps that there are only 4 of us, but still) they want me to be with them for the long run and succeed it is honestly a great feeling (once i am out of the shower) to be ready to leave home.. (as much as I HATE leaving the danes) but to want to go to work. i worked with a friend once at a restraunt and i had that feeling, that "cant wait to go because this is going to be fun... " but now that is combined with so much more learning and people that i am around to learn and interact with. just this week i have been in 2-3 new situations that most people my age cant even imagine and i am so thankful. okat maybe enough gushing for now... :)

look i told you my new years goals were to have a more positive outlook on life and the way i live it and i am truly trying to live that way, i am resolving broken friendships, i am truly and honestly happy. you might not have saw this coming but its HERE and i am so thankful.... there are a few people that i think were brought into my life just for making me see their light and their attitudes and everytime i see their posts or read their blogs i am truly lifted by their attitude, it would be great if one day i had that persona and not the "tough girl b*tch" lol.. if i could move away from that it would be lovely. because that is not who i am anymore. i am working on being softer work in progress, i know.

oh! and random--- but Jacksonville has a new restraunt.. "Trolly Stop" the original is a little beach shack in Wrightsville, this is a lot more city atmostphere, but i went there today and it was wonderful. really. amazing hot dogs, great service, clean. i really like when someone does something well and they stick to it... like umm, Red Robin's and their burgers, or Cook Out and their burgers.. or Fudruckers and their burgers--- crap. I really just named off 3 burger joints, favorite food much... lets see other examples, Krispy Kreme and Doughnuts.. who goes to Krispy Kreme for a quiche.. is that how its spelled?  haha anyways. great little shop, 2.50 a dog, you can choose your kind of dog.. beef, pork, beef pork mix, sausage, and then choose your style-- my favorite, the "carolina" mustard chili slaw. (i didnt know there was any other way to order hot dogs) but i hear the "new river" is pretty good. it is mayo and cheese (like melted nacho cheese) i was really questioning it, but "the boys" at work got them today and they were quckly scarfed down ;)

good night.

so, as of today, sometime after work ((meaning that it was a friday and everett was supposed to get off at 12, but it didnt work out that way— it never does)) we rushed over to the court house to DO IT. :) 3 years ago we got married. I am not the kind of girl thats going to put on a play about my perfect day and my perfect marriage because real marriages arent perfect, real people arent perfect. It is the daily grind of living, and learning that makes your relationship strong and true to be able to stand the test of time. anyone who comes on giving the bs my husband is wonderful allll the time, they are lying to themselves… the bad part is that everyone else can see through it when they cant.


so, with that being said… i think its more of the imperfections that you learn to work with, and around that make a marriage. E leaves the lid up on the toilet seat, not the ring part (thank God) the lid. IDK why it irks me. but i cant stand to see it. Normally I just close and go on. so, hes helped me with patience in that department… and for me to say that i just “go on” is a BIG accomplishment. it doesnt happen much, it has definitely happened more in the last year then it has in previous years, older wiser? probably not. probably just older. has better things to do then stress over it.


do you know in the morning when your husband gets up— and he just HAS to turn the light on? Everett never did that he was always quiet and patient and gave me a kiss before he left but never woke me up (thank you E) BUT- when it was my turn, when he was on leave and I had to wake up, shower, get ready, blow dry hair all with him laying in bed. it was NOT fun. I felt like it was rubbing in my face he had the day off.. I could feel myself wanting to wake him up— haha I know, it is mean and very imperfect. SO the fix, I couldnt imagine how the years of him waking up, being quiet and not disturbing me.. that had to be annoying as f*ck. LOL so now, with his new school and new job hours are going to be insane… which i think we are somewhat prepared. but ive started getting up— every morning. 3, 345. 4 whatever… [[hense the post this dang early]] i sit up in bed, talk to him the whole time hes getting ready (he USED to not be a morning person— I feel like hes coming around) and then make breakfast, and we eat breakfast together. Me, Everett, Mac and Brute. every morning. I really feel like its helped both of us, maybe just me and my concience or me selfishly wanting at least one meal with him during the day, but its definatly changed something :) [[note: mac brute and i all crawl into bed afterwards… no shame in that right?]]

so the point of all this. 3 years. weve made it 3 years, its so great to say that because when we made the “rash dicesion” as everyone in his family/friends called it. they all said we wouldnt make it. some of his family HOPED we wouldnt make it. but were here. and it feels great. i wonder what 30 feels like?


have a good day friends <3

   ((imported from previous blog))
[walking through wal-mart isle....]



**keep in mind we are here for just a FEW things....
and a cart later this is what is said


me: ev do you want any chips for lunch this week
everett: chips! no! do you know how much fat is in those things?
me: oookk.... [[interupted]]
everett: ooooo! SOUR CREAM AND ONION.. they are BAKED! much healthier...and tosses them into the cart...
prime example of why NOT to take Men shopping, lectures and he still bought the chips ;)

day 1. and no— this isn't the 365 project. i went to the park [which was very nice by the way] and ran. kinda. walked some. but the point is i went. the luxury of the park isn't going to fit into the normal work day— but it was a beautiful much needed escape.

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted" -Albert Einstein

— here’s to a year of having the things that cant physically be counted start to add up